A rough spell

I’m going through a hard time.  I could feel it coming.  I could feel the nervous energy building in my body.  I notice it especially when I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.  Everything is quiet.  The bathroom light is much brighter than normal. The silence frightens me and the light crushes me.  My foot shakes and my teeth clench.  I stare at something stupid on the counter for a long time.  I read each ingredient in my toothpaste while I think 32897 thoughts at once.  I check my heart rate, the color of my urine, I blink to make sure I can see… It is happening.

I don’t know how long it will last this time… but I’m sinking.  I’m scared.  I’m in my head and I’m all alone.  My husband sees it happening and he’s so frustrated.  He is pleading with me not to fall into this downward spiral but I can barely hear him.

I’m so scared.  WHY DONT MY MEDS HELP THIS part?!  What is this and where does it come from and why is it random and I just don’t understand.

 

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